Formal Friday

A little while ago, a man named Odysseus was involved in a conflict in the middle east. He was a man of no real significance, small and unworthy in the eyes of those around him. But Odysseus's life was forever changed when Dionysus bestowed upon him a great gift: A dark liquid, whose consumption could induce joy, sadness, courage and pain. He called it wine. Armed with this glorius elixir, Odysseus rose through the ranks of the Greek army. He created a devious plan to end the war, even as the Greeks were on their heels. He delivered wine to their enemies, the Trojans, and while they all basked in its mollifying effects, the Greeks sacked their city. His achievements in the war brought him fame beyond belief - thanks to wine, he had surpassed even his loftiest dreams. For his achievements in the art of suckdown, he became the first Formal Frank. And thus, a legend was born.

Through the rest of his life, Odysseus used the power of wine for many other notable endeavors, such as his 7 year bender with an immortal woman on a private island, and getting a cyclops drunk enough to boil and drill through his eye. Since Odysseus, the mantle of Formal Frank has been passed down through many bearers, all innovators of intoxication. A few of the most notable avatars of Frank are recorded here.